11 Life Books Left out of 25

Been a long time since i updated last. For the first several months i didn't want any updates from Little Angels Adoptions but the last few months greg & i realized we should call in and see what's going on. Turns out, those periodic calls helped us to feel hopeful. The last information i received was that we had 11 books left out of 25. That made me hopeful that our lifebooks are going out to birthmother's and being viewed. I was told that a book went out to a birthmother in Santa Cruz which is very exciting as it would be great not to travel for this adoption!! So she gets our book and other ones and then chooses. She's due in January. I really believe with all my heart that the stork will bring the right baby. I think that's why it doesn't sadden me to not have been picked yet..it's not our baby then and it should be placed with the family she's supposed to go to. In the meantime i've experienced a bit of freedom having both boys in school everyday til 2:10. I've re-grouped and re-energized and i'm enjoying this free time stage i'm in before it disappears again. I love helping in both thomas's and andrey's classrooms but i'm not an over achiever which i'm so thankful for! I got in for an hour or so or bring work home to do. I still find the morning goes quick even with several hours of free time. It's just sooo quiet and i haven't had that for so long. The boys are sooo cute in their uniforms and they love school. Andrey has asked when the baby is coming and that kind of just makes me want to cry. Coming to terms with the end of my fertility has been an on-going process but focusing on that i can have an infant daughter even though, its so hopeful. I continue to struggle with knowing that some woman's heartbreak (i'm assuming she's heartbroken) is going to be one of my greatest joys. Hard to get my head around that...maybe i can think of it another way so it's not depressing. I feel like baby Clara is getting closer, i'm feeling hopeful and excited. I've gained a bunch of weight from the breast feeding hormones and my feet hurt so yah, i'd say i'm about 9 months pretend pregnant!